Life After Birth

Yes, there is life after birth. Just not the predictable (read: lazy, relaxed, selfish, etc...) life that I had come to know and love.

Let me back up a little.

I've been a grossly independent (read: stubborn, strong-willed, driven, etc...) woman for most of my adult life. I am married, but my husband and I both have a healthy respect for giving each other space. Independence. It's worked really well for us.

Enter newborn son.

Note: He's the second love of my life. Wouldn't trade him for the world. I would gladly lay down and die to protect this little bundle of love that we created.

His dependence on me has thrown my formerly independent existence out the window. Goodbye corporate desk job and slacks. Hello diaper genie and sweats.

I was fortunate enough to have my husband home for the first 2 weeks after we brought our son home from the hospital. When he was here, I was sleep-deprived, of course, but was still able to hand our dear boy to him and indulge in a hot shower (before 2pm) and even dry my hair and put on make-up (who cares I had no place to go). Now, my days consist of inconsistencies that I like to call "near life experiences." For example, I ran into someone I know from the corporate world while out grocery shopping today. I was all too happy to have a full-blown conversation in the produce section. Nevermind the awkward juxtaposition of his business casual attire and my t-shirt, leggings, and ratty ponytail. Anyone that knows me knows that I typically avoid social interaction at all costs. Especially when it is of the inevitably awkward variety. Yet this time, I was starving for the interaction with someone who knows me as something other than the milk lady.

As I am writing this, I am resisting the urge to self-edit. To pretend that I am one of those mommy-bloggers who make it to playdates, and the gym...who are able to fit back into pre-pregnancy clothes two weeks after delivery. Who look perfect in all of their pictures. Who seem to take showers before 2pm (and whose husbands don't have to ask if they showered that day---when they have).

I love my son. I love knowing that I am a mother and feel incredibly blessed to be given this perfect little baby to care for and teach about the world. I am hopeful that things will get easier. That I will be able to find a way to still feel like myself while being someone's mother.

This is enough rambling for one post, and certainly wasn't the introduction that I started out to write. But it's real and it's me and there is a lot more to my story that I look forward to writing about...but first, on to bed with a sleeping angel in his bed beside me.